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On April 2, 2003 the annual Manitoban April Fool's issue was published.  The result was a parody of "People" magazine called "Poople," which discussed world events (such as the war in Iraq) told in the style of "People" magazine.  That is, with an emphasis on celebrities, fashion and style.

I wrote two articles for the issue but sadly neither of them made the cut.  So I present them to you now.

Ozzy Osbourne - in his own words
With the myriad of world events bombarding our society we at Poople decided to turn to one of our most colorful philanthropists, Ozzy Osbourne, for his insight.

Poople: Do you feel the war in Iraq is just a diversionary tactic by President Bush to avoid the issue of our sagging economy?

Ozzy: Wha...who the *** are you? Why did you ****ing call me at this hour?

Poople: We wanted to ask you, what is your opinion on the war on Iraq?

Ozzy: (pause) What are you...we waging war on a rack? What the bloody hell are we doing that for?

Poople: Previously our focus seemed to be on the war on terror. Would you say the war on Iraq is a natural extension of that, as the president would have us believe?

Ozzy: Don't talk to me about ****ing terror, I'm the prince of ****ing darkness I am you ****ing ****.

Poople: Recently, artists in the entertainment industry have been scorned for sharing their political views. What is your stance on this issue?

Ozzy: (pause) I just say whatever is on my ****ing mind. AHHH!! The ****ing dog **** on the ****ing carpet again! Bloody ****ing hell!

Ozzy: ...**** this, will you just **** off now!

Ozzy: SHAARONNNNN!!

Axis of Evil - The reality show
This week saw the ending of the new hit reality show 'Axis of Evil.' The British import takes countries from around the world, and a panel of distinguished judges decides who is the ultimate 'Evil One' to be endowed with a grand prize, a declaration of war with an option for a regime change. The judges, consisting of President George Bush, Secretary of State Colin Powell and Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld, had quite a daunting task ahead of them from the beginning.

The contest was reduced to just North Korea, Iran, and Iraq. Relative newcomer North Korea, who came out of nowhere to land in the final around, continued to boast about their withdrawal from the Nonproliferation Treaty and their reactivation of potential nuclear weapons facilities. Iraq, most famous for its role in "Operation Desert Storm" in the early '90s, regained attention recently as weapons inspectors visited the country. Iran however, remained relatively quiet throughout the contest compared to its more flamboyant competitors. It rode on its past hits such as 1979's "52 American hostages for Shah" as well as its ties to terrorist groups like Hezbollah and Hamas, instead of flash to impress the judges.

As the most infamous of the panel of judges, President Bush; with his trademark biting criticism gave North Korea the brush-off despite its continued attempts to regain attention.

"Y'all is the weakest lank, gubbye," the president was quoted as saying to the communist country, before warily biting into a nearby pretzel.

North Korea took its dismissal from the program poorly, retaliating at the judge, calling him a "shameless charlatan" before being forced off the program in tears.

With the contest down to Iraq and Iran, Iraq was seen as the frontrunner as it has had both a strong past in the industry as well as recent attention it has garnered from the weapons inspections. Some insiders believe its victory was clinched by its front of cooperation that still failed to satisfy Bush, who continued to believe in the existence of such weapons.

So on March 19, 2003 the ultimate 'Evil One' was decided. Iraq was awarded with the declaration of war worth $75 billion according to most recent estimates. Right now the war is going strongly but it remains to be seen if the momentum can be maintained for the creation of a new regime.